Memories

Again, I have been remiss in updating my blog, so apologies. I have a good excuse though – remember I told y’all about start ECT (electroconvulsant therapy) at the mental hospital? Well, I have continued those treatments and it has caused me to forget, like everything. That may be an exaggeration but I have forgotten people, past events and little details about my life. It’s embarrassing. One morning I was having my nails done and the woman next to me started a conversation. No big deal, right? Except she said, “Heather, how are David and the kids?” I would’ve sworn that I’d never met her in my life but she obviously knew me. I faked it and talked to her BUT THE SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN….and then once more.

ECT is known to cause memory loss but everything I’ve read about it says it affects your short term memory and any events that happen around the time of treatment. My memory loss goes way back. I should really have a sign on my back that warns people of this but David didn’t go for that idea, lol.

The ECTs are helping in terms of my depression. It’s easier to take care of the kids and I have more energy during the day….not a lot but it’s better than it was.

Another update I didn’t share before is that I had gastric sleeve surgery in November. With my binge eating, I had gained a ton of weight after leaving the mental hospital. I was pushing 200 again and was so miserable, so I went to see a surgeon and after some diet changes and giving up soda (I miss it so badly), they scheduled me. I obviously can’t eat like I was and there’s definitely no binging. I’m down 25 pounsd and I have 20 to go until I meet my goal.

So, overall everything is good. I’m stable. It’s a hard thing for me to say because I never really have been before. I’ll probably have to get ECTs done for the rest of my life but that’s a small price to pay to be able to truly life a good life.

That’s all for now. I’ll see y’all later.

My bad

I have been remiss in updating my blog since I returned from the good ol’ mental hospital, so my apologies. The hospital actually helped me quite a bit. I was there for 6 weeks, which was terrible in terms of being away from my family, but I was able to get help for my depression, anxiety and my tendency to over medicate. I left with a brand new diagnosis, too, so that’s fun. Turns out I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, along with depression, dysthmia and generalized anxiety disorder. I also started up ECT treatments while I was there, which I am continuing now. It’s not as scary as it sounds – I know a lot of people think negatively about “shock therapy” – they seem to be working, for the most part. The only sucky part is that I have to drive two hours away to get the treatments, as Corpus Christi doesn’t have a place here to do it.

Things were going really well but honestly right now I am on the struggle bus. Even though I’ve been compliant with meds and going to therapy, my depression has returned as has my binge eating disorder. I got a lot of problems, right? Feels like it. I’ve gained a lot of weight in a very short amount of time and even as I write this blog, I am miserably overfull from a binge.

I plan on calling a nutritionist and upping my therapy appointments, among other healthy ideas but it’s really hard not to feel bad about myself right now. Bad that I am so depressed and not a lot seems to help it. Bad that I’ve gained weight and feel so horrible. Bad that I’m not the best example for my kids. I’m trying to pull myself out of this funk, but it’s so hard. It’s getting really hard to take care of myself, at least in the healthy way I learned about in the hospital. OK, so now that I’m typing all this it doesn’t seem like the ECT and new meds are helping. Sigh.

Even with all this crap going on, I still feel hopeful that I can get back on track and live a healthy and happy life. At least my hope isn’t gone. I have my friends and family to think for that – they all have provided me with more support than I ever could have imagined. I’m a lucky girl. And of course, my beautiful children keep me going.

So, I can beat this. I will. I’ll feel better soon. It wouldn’t hurt for y’all to pray for me, though. I’ll take whatever I can get.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for sticking around through all my mess. Much love.