I saw my therapist last week and we discussed my progress, agreeing that my energy levels are up, I was in control of my eating (notice I said was) and I’m no where near suicidal. What stayed with me after this particular session is that my therapist said it seemed that I was so much stronger, I could probably punch through the wall of depression.
So far, I only feel punched by it. I’ve since been a little dicey with my eating habits, i.e. overeating on foods I have no business eating in the first place, and my anxiety has returned – did it ever go away? – at nighttime. But even though I don’t feel like I’m that close to making a hole in the wall, I can’t argue with my therapist. I’m not weepy or lying around the house all day. Matter of fact, I’m doing the things that I enjoy and practicing self care, which you can’t do during a depressive episode.
But how do I punch through? How does anyone make a hole in that formidable, rock-hard wall?
My husband says its about eating healthily, working out and continuing my current self-care routine. What do you say?
I just want to feel that happy feeling again, instead of feeling like I’m just getting by. I want to see the world in color again, to feel the reverberating warmness that brings a smile to your face and makes you sing in the car at the top of your lungs. I want to laugh my loud guffaw, and I want to breathe without having to count and without the sickening heaviness that makes me think my lungs are buried in a swamp.
Happy. The yearning to feeling that warmness is so strong it brings tears to my eyes.
How do I punch through before I get punched back down into the darkness?