Last week my son came home and told me he had a bad day — his music teacher apparently scolded him in front of the entire class. Eli admitted he had been talking a lot, but he was told to get an instrument to play so he grabbed a xylophone. He sat down and rotated it so it was the right way, but it leaned on its side and all the keys fell off. His teacher then said something to the effect of “Nobody help Eli, that’s entirely his fault.”
Eli was embarrassed and shamed and he cried.
On the way out to return to his class, she pulled Eli aside and said, “I don’t have any sympathy for you.” It was a variation of that.
I was seething. You don’t call out a child in class and tell others not to help him! And you certainly don’t say you don’t have any sympathy after a child cries. It’s unnecessary and cruel. Eli was so embarrassed.
I immediately was “that mom,” you know the mom that goes guns blazing to the principal outraged that her child was wronged. Well, I didn’t go to the principal, I emailed the assistant principal because he knows Eli, and I’ve worked with him before. It was about 4 p.m. at this point, and I knew he probably wouldn’t get back to me until the next day. I had to go to a market anyway for Birdy Girl. A fellow vendor and friend had made Eli a crochet sea horse (he’s obsessed with sea horses) and I told her thank you — that he’d had a bad day and it would cheer him up. Immediately she asked what happened and I started to get riled up again.
But this whole thing isn’t about getting her in trouble or fired; I just wanted to make sure that it was documented and wouldn’t happen to any other kids. I worry about Eli’s mental health. I can remember being shamed and scolded in front of my peers, and it didn’t feel good. I was in high school at the time, and I cried. I was a 17-year-old Junior. That stuff stays with you, and if you’re anything like me, you occasionally think about those memories then relive it.
Eli is sensitive, and he’s a happy child. He does talk a lot, this I know, but it doesn’t excuse that woman’s behavior and words. He has to go to that class once a week, and I imagine he’ll stress about it and feel scared.
I understand teachers are under an enormous amount of stress and sometimes they lose it. I lose it myself on occasion. But we have to do our best NOT TO DO THAT. These children are so young and pure and sweet (at least Eli is, most of the time), and we — all adults that have a role in children’s lives — need to realize that we need to protect their hearts and mental health. It’s a sacrosanct job.
Maybe some of you are rolling your eyes and thinking that this is real world, get a grip. They are exposed to so much and under incredible amounts of stress more so now than we were as kids. It’s different. I’ll die on that hill.
The next morning I had a message on my phone from the music teacher. I called her back and she explained a little more about the situation. It paralleled Eli’s version and she admitted to losing her cool because Eli had been talking and disrupting the class. Still no excuse. I asked her to see how it looks from my side after Eli told me the story. She agreed it looked bad and that they had gotten off on the wrong foot, and she wanted to start over.
I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt (she probably rolled her eyes at this) and that I would have a talk with Eli about his incessant talking. All of us are starting over.
I did follow up with the assistant principal and documented everything that was said. I hope it never happens again.
The music teacher should hope it doesn’t happen again because I guess I am “That Mom.”
Well, I would never describe myself as a helicopter mom — unbothered, I’m a laid back, go-with-the-flow kinda mom. Most times.
If there’s another incident, (hopefully there’s not one) I won’t just send an incendiary email. I’ll have a helicopter pad constructed on the roof, lol.
Just kidding. I don’t think it’s going to happen again, and I’d really rather not be a helicopter mom.
Seriously though, if anyone does my boy’s pure, sweet, naive spirit, I will come for you. His mental health ( well, everyone’s but especially kids’ mental health) is important.
But so is his resiliency; I know that, too.
He’ll bounce back. And so will I.
