The new year is approaching, and in the past Iâ€™ve always attempted to make new yearâ€™s resolutions, usually related to weight loss. And while thatâ€™s all fine and good for some, I will not be making any resolutions, weight-related or otherwise.
Donâ€™t get me wrong, Iâ€™m looking forward to bidding this year adieu (because of COVID-19), but this year was transforming for me. I no longer feel the need to place restrictions or punish myself because I donâ€™t look certain way. Itâ€™s good to have goals and I will always strive to improve and challenge myself, but I just canâ€™t continue my obsession with my weight.
This year was so shitty in so many ways, and Iâ€™m surprised I havenâ€™t suffered a mental break, to be honest. Instead I have risen to the occasion and been strong mentally, because damn, I had to. The added stress and uncertainty pushed me to my limits, and I started writing more as a release. Iâ€™ve had this blog for two years, and Iâ€™ve always tried to be candid, but the pandemic made me show my ass, about everything.
Iâ€™m free now.
Iâ€™ve pushed past the shame and have started to love myself. And Iâ€™ve also discovered that Iâ€™m kind of a bad ass. Iâ€™m proud of myself, which includes my mental disorders. Iâ€™ve even written articles for the local paper admitting my depression and my stay at a psychiatric hospital. The whole city knows, and thatâ€™s OK with me.
Iâ€™m free from the bondage of other peopleâ€™s opinions Iâ€™m starting to free myself from obsessing about my weight and my appearance. Itâ€™s so damn hard, but Iâ€™m trying.
The goals I will make for myself in the coming days will focused on self-care. To be healthy, physically and mentally, you must practice self-care and make yourself a priority. Like everyone says, you canâ€™t fill from an empty cup. And itâ€™s not selfish to put yourself first. Itâ€™s actually really hard work to do so, but itâ€™s rewarding â€” not just for you but those around you.
I wear a bracelet at all times that says, â€œGRIT,â€ as a reminder to do the necessary hard work, that I have what it takes and not to give up.
2020 was a terrible year for so many, but Iâ€™m so grateful that this different self of mine emerged and helped liberate me from all the bullshit.
Iâ€™ve called myself a black sheep all my life because of my differences among family, and even friends, but the black wool suits me now instead of reminds me that Iâ€™m an outcast.
Edit: I donâ€™t mean this post to sound like a brag about how much Iâ€™ve achieved this year. Surviving this pandemic (no matter what coping mechanisms you used) is achievement alone.
Happy New Year. I wish yâ€™all well
Stay in the light.