â€œDo I stay up, relax and watch trash TV or do I go to bed at a decent hour?â€ For weeks Iâ€™ve been having this internal debate and I know I canâ€™t be the only one. I used to go to bed at 9 pm (in the good old days) because I need A LOT of sleep but now I blow past that 9 pm mark knowing that Iâ€™ll likely regret it but I also know I need â€œme time.â€
Surely Iâ€™m not alone in this. Especially now because the coronavirus is holding us all hostage. Donâ€™t get me wrong, I do like being around my children but after 8-12 hours of their incessant arguing, watching freaking Peppa Pig and wanting to climb on me and whatever else, Iâ€™ve just had it. Iâ€™m touched out. I want to be on the couch, watching my shows and not asked to do one single thing, even by my husband. I donâ€™t even like the cats on me until after Iâ€™ve chilled for an hour. Itâ€™s too much. And I know yâ€™all feel me. At least I hope you do otherwise I need to up my meds, lol.
My usual self-care routine includes massages, getting my nails done, reading and napping. I would also go to therapy. But none of that is plausible now and I think itâ€™s ok to mourn that. Itâ€™s ok not to enjoy every second with your kids, because this shit is hard even when you do have outlets and self-care rituals.
Staying home with the kids right now is one of the hardest things Iâ€™ve done. My 3-year-old wakes up at 5 am every morning, which means Iâ€™m up. Heâ€™s clingier than usual, most likely from the uncertainty of life, which he can probably sense from us adults. But despite his 5 am wake calls, Iâ€™ll still probably go to bed late because thatâ€™s the only alone time Iâ€™ll have all day. The only time I can eat the kidsâ€™ cupcakes. The only time nobody is shouting, â€œMommy!â€
This precious time to myself has become a ritual and until the schools open back up, Iâ€™ll just be exhausted and crazy looking because frankly, Iâ€™d rather have bad TV and cupcakes.
If youâ€™d like to share your self-care rituals, please do so in the comments.