In A Nutshell

I decided I’d write a blog every Sunday detailing my week and exploring my progress with depression. You’re not in for a treat with this one. Sorry!

I’m feeling sorry for myself today. It doesn’t happen often, but it sure sucks when it does. I keep thinking, “Why do I have to struggle so much? Why can’t I go longer than three weeks being happy and active?”

I realize others have it worse than I do and that puts things in perspective— for about a minute or two. I’m grateful for the happy times I have and that ECT even works for me but god it feels so awful when the happy emotions leave my body and all that’s left is despair and dread.

Fuck depression.

I know I’ll feel better. I’m getting an ECT tomorrow, so I’m sure I’ll have some relief. I just wish I didn’t have to go under general anesthesia and have a seizure to get it.

I’m not going to say anymore because I just don’t have anything nice to say.

Here’s to a new week. A new me.

4 thoughts on “In A Nutshell

  1. mentalhealth360.uk – United Kingdom – Mum to two amazing sons. Following recovery from a lengthy psychotic episode, depression, anxiety and anorexia, I decided to train as a Mental Health Nurse and worked successfully in various settings before becoming a Ward Manager. I am a Mental Health First Aid Instructor and a Mental Health Awareness Trainer, Mental Health First Aid Youth and Mental Health Armed Forces Instructor. Just started my mental health from the other side blog.
    mentalhealth360.uk says:

    Thinking of you today and hope your ECT, well the after effects, starts to work quickly.

    1. Heather Loeb – I’m 36 years old and suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Binge Eating Disorder. I live with my husband and two small children in Texas. I hope my blog helps to end the stigma of depression and other mental disorders.
      Heather Loeb says:

      Thank you so much! I do feel better, just have a migraine which is normal.

      1. mentalhealth360.uk – United Kingdom – Mum to two amazing sons. Following recovery from a lengthy psychotic episode, depression, anxiety and anorexia, I decided to train as a Mental Health Nurse and worked successfully in various settings before becoming a Ward Manager. I am a Mental Health First Aid Instructor and a Mental Health Awareness Trainer, Mental Health First Aid Youth and Mental Health Armed Forces Instructor. Just started my mental health from the other side blog.
        mentalhealth360.uk says:

        I’m delighted to hear that you feel better. I heard from patients who had ECT that they had terrible headaches, but the good that occurred after ECT far outweighed them,

      2. Heather Loeb – I’m 36 years old and suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Binge Eating Disorder. I live with my husband and two small children in Texas. I hope my blog helps to end the stigma of depression and other mental disorders.
        Heather Loeb says:

        Yes, it totally outweighs the bad. And I’m so grateful for that! Thanks for checking on me

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