Home, Sweet Home

This morning I woke up in my parents’ lake house in Mabank. The kids and I stayed 10 days with my parents and later my brother’s family.

Once I woke up I had just one thing in mind: get home. It’s about seven hours to Corpus Christi where my husband, cats and lizard await. It’s not an easy trip, especially going home. Driving up the kids were excited and they behaved because the reward at the end of the trip was seeing my parents. On the way home, they were sad and grumpy, even though they admitted they missed home.

I was sad and grumpy, too. I hate leaving my parents and my brother’s family, especially my parents. We haven’t seen them as much as usual because of Covid. I spent more than a week with them yet I still felt I didn’t get enough time.

There’s never enough time.

But we had to leave today, so I left one home for another. It breaks my heart every time. I cringed as I told the kids we were headed home because it feels like the lake house is home.

I love spending time with my family and when I visit them, I feel happy and sad. Happy because I enjoy being with them but I also feel so out of place. I’ve had to build a life in Corpus Christi, and I’ve worked hard at it, for me and my kids. I’ve had to detach a bit from my (Dallas) friends and family so I could survive without them. And it’s hard. So hard. I hate being away from everyone, but I love my life in Corpus.

What I’m discovering is that there will always be a piece of me in Dallas.. The past 10 days were so nice, even when we weren’t doing anything. I loved taking drives with my dad in the passenger seat, even though we didn’t speak much. I loved eating my mother’s famous chocolate cake. I really loved seeing my kids play with their cousins. It makes the seven hour drives worth it. All the conflicting feelings I feel are put aside when I see how happy Isla and Eli are. They’re making memories that they’ll hopefully cherish when they’re adults. I have nothing but fond memories of spending time with my Mema and cousins.

When I walked into my house today I couldn’t help but cry because it wasn’t my mother’s house, but that’s OK. I miss them. I’ll always miss them, but I live in Corpus for a reason. I’m meant to be here raising kids and being with my husband. That doesn’t take away from how I feel about my parents and my other home.

And that’s OK. I can have two homes. My heart is big enough, I think.