Last week was a tough one. I had an intractable migraine and had to go to the hospital to be treated. It threw my whole week off, and it was a very busy week. I had four events to go to, and I usually hate going to events, but not this week. This past week I wanted to be at each one (mental health forum, karate graduation, fundraiser and NAMI meet and greet). But I still was a little off because of the time in the hospital and trying to get back into my routine during the week.
This week, I’m hoping, is more peaceful. I don’t have as much to do, and I’m looking forward to a couple things, such as attending an adult karate class for me. I’m also excited about training I have to do over the weekend to become a support group facilitator for NAMI Greater Corpus Christi. I’m also getting my braces off! I’m sure there are other things to look forward to, but I can’t think of anything right now.
Right now, I’m struggling with the Sunday Night Blues. I always get a little anxious on Sundays in anticipation of the week, but it’s more than a little anxiety. Sometimes it depression, a sense of overwhelming and impending doom. The question that’s bouncing in my head right now about this is, “what happens when you do your best and your best is not good enough?”
To me, that sounds depressing. I didn’t exactly do everything I needed to do last week to be healthy because I was sick, but I was pretty close. So why do I feel the way I’m feeling now? I take my meds, I go to therapy, I do support groups, I get enough sleep, go to doctors appointments, etc. I walk the line to be healthy but am I? It doesn’t feel like it. Right now, it feels like depression is slipping in the backdoor and tears crowd my eyes as I think about it. What if I walk the line, and it’s still not good enough?
But then I think…maybe the depression wins sometimes, but it’s mostly I who is winning. There will be bad days, just as there are good days, and I’ve had a large amount of good days lately. I’m thankful. But I’d be lying if I weren’t looking in the rear view mirror waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It’s just the Sunday Night Blues. That’s all. My week will be good. I will start each day in recovery, one more step from the dark place I used to live in.
It’ll be okay. It always is.
Does anything else get the SNB?