A couple of days ago my family got back from a week in Jamaica. While I had a good time, I admit I wasn’t looking forward to the trip and I had a bad attitude.
First of all — and I’m not saying I was right (I wasn’t) — I didn’t plan the trip, not one single thing. My husband, not wanting to bother me with details, planned it. When he told me he’d worked out every detail, I was bold enough to be mad! I was being ungrateful. It was my anxiety talking. My anxiety dictates that I plan, that I know everything that’s going to happen so I can properly prepare. It makes me feel safe. I didn’t even know the departure/arrival dates or the name of the resort we were staying at. I also didn’t bother to ask. I stayed in the dark because I was so busy leading up to our trip.
I wasn’t excited to go, even on the day we left. I packed up both kids’ and my suitcases, but it seemed like such a bother to fly to a different country, go through customs, take a bus ride to Negril, etc. After a long day of traveling, we got there around 6 p.m. so we went to dinner. I actually complained about the menu because it wasn’t “real Mexican food.”
It was then I heard myself. It was then I realized what trouble my husband had gone through to plan such a trip. I immediately adjusted my attitude. I remembered back in March when my husband and I went to Turks & Caicos and how different Vacation Heather was then. I tried channeling her again, although this one would be a little more sober and less glam.
The next few days we went to the water park, pool and beach. We hung out together and truly enjoyed it. I had delicious drinks while sunbathing and watched Eli go down the water slides about 25 times. Over the course of two days, he lost two teeth (they were very loose even before we got there).
We had fun. We played foosball. We ate good food. We rented a cabana on the beach that included a ceiling fan, cooler of drinks and food delivery — I never want to do the beach any other way, lol.
I relaxed. I stopped working. I let myself enjoy.
I don’t know why I held back before. For some reason I just thought the vacation would be terrible because the kids would hate it there or constantly be asking for things or complain. But it was me who started the trip complaining.
I was a little sad to leave. I realized when I got home I’d have to start cooking, tidying up, working, etc, again. I remembered Eli has a birthday in a month, that school starts in a month. There’s always something.
But I had a good time drinking Island Smiles by the pool and on the beach. My family took some great photos. I relaxed and now I’m back at my cozy home.
I’m so grateful for both.
