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  • How to Help
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  • About Heather
  • Speaking Engagements

Eye Twitches, Stomach Aches & Bears – Oh, My!

by Heather Loeb August 3, 2022
by Heather Loeb August 3, 2022 0 comment

School starts next Tuesday. My son’s birthday party is this Saturday. My daughter’s birthday party is next month, and even though I have prepared from these things (like a doomsday prepper), I feel my chest tighten, a heavy feeling in my stomach and my face is contorting this very minute. I don’t need a mirror to see the frown lines, pursed mouth and concerned eyes.

School is exciting! It means I get to go back to my routine — I can’t say that I care for summer’s willy nilliness. The kids won’t be hanging around the houses stating that they’re bored, running my phone battery down, leaving snacks everywhere as well as trails of clothes and mess wherever they go. I should be looking forward to this. But I guess I’ve gotten use to the “routine” of summer. Anytime mine is changed, it’s stressful, even when I prefer the school routine. Even thought I know it’s better for me.

I guess it’s just my anxiety, acting like my brain’s hype man when really my brain could do without.

That’s why the kids and I took a last minute trip to see my parents at their lake house. And it’s been so fun, but now we’re getting ready to leave on Thursday, and I’ll be sad to leave and I’ll have to jump into party planning mode for Eli’s party on Saturday. This year he wanted to go to Jumping World, which stresses me out a bit. I’ve never hosted a party there, and his parties always fall right before school, so I’m afraid none of his friends are going to come. I know it will be fine, but my anxiety never takes a break. Ever.

But he’ll have friends there. He’ll have fun. His cake is a Pokemon cake, and he has lots of gifts (from me and his dad). He’ll be so happy. That’s what’s important. Then next week, he’ll start his final year at JCC, his Kindergarten year. (I’m not tearing up, I just have something in my eyes). It’ll be great. *sniff, sniff*

I think what I need to do is take one day at a time. I’ve obviously prepared from school and the kids’ parties, but worrying about each event is not getting me anywhere. So, first up…Eli’s party. I need to wrap gifts and get the goody bags ready, which will be a cinch.

One day at a time. So really, I just need to worry —think—about today. This afternoon we’re going to a fun park where they have a carousel, bumper cars and games. Maybe slamming into my kids in a bumper car will relieve some of this stress.

Sounds pretty good to me. Maybe I need a “fun park” in my backyard…

Depression
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Heather Loeb

For decades I've struggled with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder, dysthymia and an eating disorder. I pen my misadventures here, but you can also find my column in the Corpus Christi Caller-Times (caller.com). Thanks for reading and for your support.

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anxiety anxiety disorder anxiety disorder. generalized anxiety disorder avoidant personality disorder binge eating Binge Eating Disorder body positivity Chronic Pain compulsive eating coronavirus Depression depression blog diet coke eating disorder ECT ECT treatment electroconvulsive therapy family generalized anxiety disorder getting healthy healthy living ketamine major depression major depressive disorder mdd menninger clinic Mental Health mental health blog mental illness mental illness blog mental wellness migraines overeating parenting parenting blog parenting with depression self care stigma of depression suicidal ideation suicide suicide prevention TMS transcranial magnetic stimulation treatment resistant depression Weight Loss

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