So, about a month ago I was jump roping with my daughter. I bought the jump ropes to encourage us to have fun exercising. I talked about this previously, but bear with me. On the second day we were jumping, I was about 10 jumps in when I felt a sharp pain in my back. My daughter quickly went to get an ice pack, and I was horizontal for the rest of the day. Fast forwards a few weeks and an MRI, and it turns out I tore a disk in between my L4 and L5. My doctor gave me pain pills, which are long gone by now, and I started physical therapy last week, but I haven’t gotten any relief. None.
Actually, after Monday’s PT session, my back hurt worse than it ever has with this injury. It’s hurting right now as I type this in the carpool lane waiting for my children.
I’m used to pain. Mental anguish and pain from migraines. I’m definitely no stranger, but this is a different pain. It doesn’t always go away, and I fear that I will have back problems for the rest of my life. But maybe if I stick to the PT, I’ll get better. It’s only been a few sessions.
The chronic pain has altered my mental state. I get depressed and angry more easily. It really pisses me off when I’m limited to an activity because of my back. Then comes the overwhelming sadness. I tell myself that it just takes time to heal, but it’s so hard to remember when there’s searing pain in multiple places in my back. I totally get why so many people with chronic illness have depression and vice versa.
Lately the only relief I get is lying down on my right side. I even had to switch places in the bed with my husband to ensure I stay on that side (mainly because my son prevents me from lying like that on the other side). But I can’t just lie down all day.
I probably sound like a spoiled brat, but my pain is real and constant and cumbersome. I just hope it doesn’t throw me into a true depressive episode. And I pray that I find more relief. I guess there’s always injections, but I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. Really, I need to strengthen my core…well, strengthen everything….to feel better, and that will take time.
I’ll pray for patience because right now I just ain’t got it.
