I hate it when things are going so well, then a little bit of depression sneaks in, brings anxiety with it and next thing you know they’re having a party.
I know the drill. This is just temporary. A few days will go by, and I’ll go back to being happy Heather. Grateful Heather. Helpful Heather.
But today the cat peed on my rug, I spent more money than I should’ve, I actually binged at dinner (which I haven’t truly done in months and months), I’m uncomfortable now, thirsty as hell, I’m moody and emotional, I tried to paint but kept screwing up because I was forcing it, couldn’t focus at work. I’m irritable, canceled my lash appointment because Eli had a doctor’s appointment and couldn’t get another appointment. My lashes need serious help. All of it sucked. First world problems, man.
It’s all temporary. The bad always is. I know it is.
As the kids were playing outside with the neighbors, I went out there and checked out the flowers that were blooming. It was so nice out there, and it reminded me that there are bigger things than lash appointments and cat pee. Such as, I get to give a really cool presentation about stress management tomorrow (maybe I can give myself some tips), that I’ve reserved Friday for some self-care appointments and lunch with a dear friend. That I’ve gotten some really important work done this week, despite having a terrible migraine that set me back several hours. That a good friend texted me and told me because of my transparency in my mental health journey, she was able to get back on her meds and the quality of her life is now better. I happen to be very low when I got that text, and she turned around my whole day. I’m glad our paths have crossed, too, friend.
It’s so easy to let the bad win. And sometimes, it’s okay to let it win, too. You just have to be careful.
I know the depression and anxiety is going to be around for a bit. I’m certainly not inviting it to stay, but I know my assignment: stay grateful, look for the little glimmers, practice self-care, rest and ask for help.
I thank you for your support and positivity. I know that once this is posted, I will receive support and encouragement, even from internet strangers, and to me, that is amazing because there are some people who will call themselves a friend only sticking around hoping to see you fall.
But I’m lucky, I have the most loving, supportive husband, family and friends in the world.
And I always rise from the ashes.
Here goes tomorrow.
