I had therapy today, and because there were no pressing crises, we talked about how tomorrow (May 1) was my first day working as a full-time employee for NAMI Greater Corpus Christi. During the past almost four years, I’ve been volunteering, first as the Communications Director then as the Affiliate Leader.
At first I was worried about the obligation attached to the paychecks. In the past when I’ve worked, I always got in trouble for missing work due to my depression and/or migraines and I would be wracked with guilt. My bosses didn’t like me, and my co-workers were resentful.
It was different at NAMI GCC. I was a volunteer; I had no obligation, but I was passionate and I “worked” 20-40 hours a week, more if there were events. My “bosses” loved me. The people I volunteered with also loved me and appreciated my ideas and creativity. I felt like I found what I was meant to do.
It shouldn’t be much different now.
So as my therapist and I were discussing this she says, “Do you know awesome you are? This is a big deal. You are a big deal. You get shit done, and you are a change maker. You should be so proud of yourself.”
Tears immediately crowded my eyes.
She went on to remind me that I have major depression, which I fight every day, as well as anxiety. Yet here I was doing these big things, being a high achiever. I’ve never had anyone say that to me.
I’m a million miles from where I was just a few years ago when I went to the psychiatric hospital. My therapist continued to talk about how my self-image issues keep me from seeing just how awesome I am but that sometimes I need write down all my accomplishments to see it on paper.
By the way, I love her.
She’s right. I have done a lot for NAMI GCC. I should be proud.
I left her office smiling, confident that tomorrow, my first official day, would go great. Just as I’m sure the next 1,000 will.
In the afternoon, still feeling good about myself, I scrolled mindlessly through Facebook until I saw a friend’s post reminding everyone that today was the last day to apply for Leadership Corpus Christi (class 54). I knew the application deadline was soon, but I’ve been so busy, I just forgot. I’ve been wanting to apply for Leadership for the past couple years, but I’ve always chickened out.
Now is the time. Today is the day. Class 54 is it.
One of the reasons I’m coming on full-time for NAMI is to help transition the affiliate to an independent nonprofit. Right now, we’re under the umbrella of NAMI Texas so we don’t control our finances, and it can be a pain when we’re applying for grants.
I’m hoping at the end of the transition I’ll be the Executive Director, and I think Leadership CC can shape me into a better leader and prepare me for that.
And the funny thing is I’m not sure I would’ve even applied if my therapist (who’s class of 52 or 53, I believe) didn’t make such a big deal about me being a big deal. And to think I was going to cancel this morning.
Sometimes you just need a reminder about who you are.
I’m Heather Ann Loeb. I have a column in the Caller-Times. I run this blog. I’m the Affiliate Leader of NAMI Greater Corpus Christi. And I paint weird looking birds and love it.
And my therapist thinks I’m awesome.
Who am I to question a professional?
