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Ketamine/Spravato

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Ketamine/Spravato

What a Ketamine Treatment is Like

by Heather Loeb
written by Heather Loeb

Last week I did a ketamine treatment, the first in years. Before I was hospitalized at The Menninger Clinic in 2019 for depression and anxiety, I’d done about two or three but never felt better after doing them.

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I tried again last week because it’s easier for me to do ketamine treatments than ECT treatments, which I’ve been doing since 2019. Those are a pain; I have to drive 2.5 hours to San Antonio, undergo the procedure (which includes anesthesia) and then have my husband drive back home while I battled an inevitable migraine. I’m usually out of it for the rest of the day and some of the next.

I haven’t had an ECT in months, the most I’ve ever gone since being hospitalized, but I started recognizing some of the signs that I might need one. Enter ketamine treatment.

I was very nervous when I got there and as they begin to set up the infusion and IV. I was scared that I would feel out of control and that I’d be overwhelmed. I was sweating. The nurse could tell I was nervous so she stayed with me for a few minutes. That’s all it took, really. I started to feel the warm flush feeling of the medicine entering my body and I started to panic. It was just so overwhelming, so I asked the nurse to slow it down, which she did. After that, it was a gradual high and I didn’t feel out of my mind. I started laughing, saying “wow, I’m so fucked up.” She left the room so I could vibe.

Because the infusion was going slower, I was able to realize that I was “high” and able to enjoy it. I did inventory on my emotions and felt hope that this would help improve my mood. I wasn’t sleepy or tired, but I could tell my eyelids were at half mast (plus I took a picture).

I felt a feeling of euphoria and thanked God for all I was thankful for. I relaxed and explored any emotion that came up, which is cool because normally I swallow my emotions, never giving them any time or space.

Finally, as I did become sleepy, time was up. They took the IV out. They let me “come to” after about 10 minutes. I was a little tired for the rest of the day but wasn’t totally useless, which is good. That’s how the ECTs leave me.

I felt like the treatment worked right away but thought that maybe it was just a lingering feeling of euphoria. It has been several days now and I still have that feeling — that I feel good. That I’m thankful. And like it’s going to be okay. I’m so pleased with how it went and I’ll be doing five more treatments to do.

I’m just so thankful that I didn’t have to get an ECT. I hate anesthesia and memory loss. It’s just too much to deal with, so I’m really hoping I can keep up with ketamine treatments instead.

Here’s hoping.

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Ketamine/Spravato

A Horse of a Different Color

by Heather Loeb
written by Heather Loeb

The other day my doctor suggested a couple of Ketamine infusions to do until I can do ECT. I didn’t think much of this because I’ve done several ketamine infusions in the past and they didn’t do much for me, but I learned the clinic that I was going to in Corpus was doing the infusions wrong, or perhaps not in the ideal way. Let’s put it that way.

At the old clinic they were adding benzos (Ativan, Valium) to the ketamine, which actually lowers the efficacy of the ketamine. I didn’t know that until I got to Menninger. Also, the other clinic’s protocol was to give everyone 100mg/hour no matter what. Here, they go by weight. I was skeptical of that at first but now I see why.

When you do 100 mg per hour, rather when I do 100 mg per hour, I feel like I’m in a black hole. There’s a lot of dissociation and I just feel drugged up and then I’m tired for the rest of the day. When I tried ketamine at the clinic, it was almost a religious experience. It was the most calming, most relaxing, therapeutic experience I’ve EVER had. I felt happy – and I haven’t felt happy in a loooong time.

It was amazing. Now, this infusion lasted just 40 minutes but I’ve already noticed a shift in my behavior. I made some jokes with some of the patients and staff here. I cleaned up my room and generally my mood is a bit better. I still have depression, of course, but it did provide a respite from the constant pain I’m in.

This makes me hopeful. I’m scheduled to have another ketamine treatment Monday and then later in the week, I’m due to start ECT. I’m not expecting my life to change but I’ll take any improvement from my current state. Some days it’s just so hard to breathe and it’s so exhausting to be a wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. It’s just painful. Everything is painful, so relief is all I want. I want to be there for everyone. I want to smile and laugh – just live in something other than this awful darkness. I know I have to work on my therapy, too, and believe me I am. Everyday here is emotionally draining and I don’t think I’ve gone a day without crying, but that’s okay. I’m just trying to get to the other side.

I hope I see ya’ll there soon.

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Ketamine/Spravato

Spravato: Treatments 1 & 2

by Heather Loeb
written by Heather Loeb

This past week I completed my first two treatments of Spravato. What’s that, you say? It’s a nasal spray with esketamine (very much like ketamine) that helps with depression and a host of other things, such as migraines – at least for me.

imgresMy first treatment did not go well. First of all, I HATE things going up my nose. Second, it gave my a horrible taste in the back of my throat and I got a little nauseated. I also didn’t dissociate, which is one of the biggest side effects of the drug. Under the FDA’s rules I had to stay there for two hours, so I was hoping for a little dissociation, otherwise it’s just boring. So, it had no affect on me besides being a little sick to my stomach and then I was bored for two hours. Plus when I got home, I got a huge migraine and for the next two days and had to see my neurologist to get a Nubain injection for my migraines to go away. Maybe it was just a coincidence but I was annoyed and didn’t want to go for the second treatment. It had been awhile since I’d had a migraine.

But to my delight, the second treatment went well. I got the hang of putting the nasal mist up my nose, got used to the nasty taste in my throat and this time they gave me Zofran for the nausea. I still didn’t dissociate but I was tired enough to take an almost two hour nap, so the visit passed rather quickly. Can’t say the same for my husband who has to stay there the whole time and give me a ride home. FDA rules again. He can’t leave the whole two hours while I’m receiving treatment.

I don’t feel a whole lot better, and since it’s hardly affecting me, my doctor is going to bump me up to the big girl dose next week, which is about 84mg of esketamine. When I go to get the ketamine infusions at the clinic via IV, I’m receiving 100mg, plus they give me a benzo in the IV – I don’t know why they do that. So, maybe the larger dosage will help me more.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a complete failure. I do feel better after the second one but I’m still dealing with symptoms of depression. But I don’t feel as blah as I have been.

I’m supposed to go three times to the clinic next week to get the larger dose, so we’ll see how that goes.

As far as my weight loss and journey to get healthy, I haven’t even been on the scale. I’ve been eating poorly and drinking Diet Coke again. My depression just hit hard this week and the week before. I think. I can’t remember last week. I’ll get back on track and keep you guys updated. Thanks for the support.

Stay well, my friends.

 

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