So this morning I had an amazing therapy session. I told my therapist about my latest blog and how I had yearned for a “good” binge. I asked her if that meant there was something wrong with me, like there was a problem I wasn’t dealing with and I wanted to eat my feelings instead.
She told me at this point in my life, I had blurred the lines of my negative “coping” skills. I might have been feeling restless or a bit stress, but wanting to binge probably didn’t mean anything. I probably just wanted a little comfort. Which is stupid, because I don’t receive — and haven’t received — comfort from a binge in a looooong time. It’s just the memory of comfort and good feelings from binges that came before that keeps me doing it again and again. Well, not lately. I haven’t binged in a while. But that’s what I was doing — I was chasing a good feeling that would rarely or never come.
Then we talked about what else is comforting (besides eating and shopping). I said reading but told my therapist I’m more of a instant gratification girl (hence the eating and spending money), so reading isn’t always a safe bet. She mentioned that I need to get used to constant gratification instead of instant. That I need to appreciate the little things and even everything out. Reading would be good. Working out would be good. Writing blogs and columns — also good. She’s right. I don’t have to be all about instant gratification because the problem with that is that you get so high from the reward and then shoot back down fast. I’m tired of being down.
I’m excited about working out again. I’m going to approach it in baby steps by walking on the treadmill for about 20-30 minutes. I know I need to work on toning too since I’ve lost so much weight, but the treadmill it is until I’m ready to move on. I’m also excited about wearing workout clothes however stupid you might think that is. And I’m excited about adding new music to my workout playlist. That always motivates me when I hear new music.
I also decided that I need to work on a daily schedule. School is starting soon so it’s the perfect time to create one to make sure I have structure, which will help with discipline and my goals. Do you have any helpful tips on creating a daily schedule? Leave them in the comments!
I feel so much better today, friends. Even if I feel I want to binge, I know now that I have self-control and it only means I’m either hungry or I need some self-care or a hug. I can handle all that.
