nami

I am so messy. And lazy – too lazy to clean up the messes and clutter that seems to accumulate on every surface in my house. We have a housekeeper who comes four to five days a week, and it’s still a mess. It bothers me a lot, but apparently not so much for me to change, even though I desperately want to.

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I love seeing my friends’ houses (where there are kids living there also) online with their tidy houses, and I’m in such awe. Some might say that’s just the social media side of the homes we’re seeing, but I actually go to my friends’ houses and they’re in such better shape than mine.

I try to declutter as much as possible. I go through these spurts where I just HAVE to clean and declutter, but that doesn’t happen often, and the clutter is back within a week or so. There is a huge part of me that is super organized and neat and on top of things all the time, but the unorganized, untidy and apathetic version of me is in the driver’s seat most of the time.

A lot of it is my depression. I’m not trying to make excuses, but when I have to allot my little amount of energy each day, something’s always got to give. And that’s usually housework. Even though I’m not going through a severe depressive episode right now, I still have to fight depression (and anxiety) daily. Personal hygiene, like taking a showering and brushing my teeth daily, is still a struggle. Doing my hair is a difficult chore. Most days I only have it in me to wash my hair every other day and let it dry in a braid so I don’t have to style it, which is still miles from not showering for a week at a time when I was going through an episode. And brushing my teeth is just hard. I don’t know why. I mean, these are basic human functions, but they sap a lot of my energy, and I only have so much in during the day.

Then I must save some time and energy for my kids. I have to be up 5 a.m., make lunches, pack water and other school supplies, take them to school, keep up with Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, therapy sessions and tennis lessons. My kids, of course, are a priority and there’s always homework, projects and reading to do. Both my kids have anxiety and ADHD so I find they need a lot of personal attention, which is what I’m here for. I like spending time with them, but it can become draining, especially if I’m not reaching out for help when I need it or practicing self-care.

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Then there’s NAMI GCC. I love NAMI Greater Corpus Christi. I’ve been the Affiliate Leader for almost a year, and I’m grateful they haven’t asked me to leave, lol. Even though I love, love, love NAMI, it can become quite stressful. I volunteer because when I was going through my dark, dark time nobody was talking about mental health/illness. I wanted to share my story and help others through what I went through so they wouldn’t feel so alone. I like helping people, and NAMI is a great organization to do that. And the people are amazing. But when you have a Leadership role and you’re teaching a class or facilitating a support group, it can get heavy. Sometimes I feel like the success of the affiliate is on my shoulders, and I never want to let everyone down. It’s a lot of pressure. Especially when we’re fundraising or planning a big event. I can get overwhelmed with my responsibilities and forget our mission at times. It’s also difficult to balance my family life with young kids and a husband who owns his own company, is a very active board member at the local community college, among other things.

I also write columns for the local newspaper and blogs for a mental health website

With the kids, NAMI and writing, I must take multiple breaks. If I’m socializing, I need a few days to recuperate. If I don’t, I start operating on “low-battery mode,” and I’m more at risk of shutting down where I can’t function much at all.

I realize everyone gets busy. Most of my friends have kids and a full-time job. Does that mean they don’t clean their house?

I’m betting they do, which makes me feel even worse.

I wish I had the energy to clean and declutter. Can I live with the fact that my house is messy and that we have a 5-day-a-week housekeeper? Probably not. I feel so shamed at times (like when my parents come visit). My dad, mom and brother (and his wife) are so neat! What happened to me?

Usually when I need to make change in my life, the first thing that has to happen is that I have to get sick of my own bullshit.

I’m about halfway there.

Last weekend was the NAMI Celebrity Jeopardy Fundraiser that we had been working on for about six months. I spent countless hours at night, on the weekend and of course during the day trying to ensure its success. Not just me, there were four of us working tirelessly on this thing â€” it was the organization’s first-ever fundraiser. And you know what? It was successful! There were a few hiccups, but for the most part, it was amazing. The Jeopardy game went so well, even with a slight delay with the microphones. Everyone was laughing so hard; my whole face hurt from cracking up.

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It was fun. I’m ready to do it again. I actually miss not working on it, which is strange because I vented and complained to my husband (and therapist) a lot, but now it seems like there’s a gap in my life. Weird, right? It just took up so much of my time, and we got to do so many fun things. I love to be creative.

I guess a need a new project to distract me until it’s time to start planning for the next fundraiser again, which by the way, will be on April 27, 2024, lol. That’s the most planning we’ve done so far.

One of my favorite parts of the fundraiser was hearing the speakers. I loved listening to J.D. and Marty talk about how NAMI enhanced their life, like it has mine. When it was my turn to speak, I became very nervous, so much so that I left entire lines out of my speech even though it was on paper right in front of me. I talked about how when I left the psychiatric hospital, my family and friends were a great support system but that none of them had a mental health condition so I still felt a little alone. Enter NAMI, where each of the leadership team either has a mental illness or a family member does.

“They have aided in my recovery in ways I didnâ€™t think possible, allowing me to be myself but encouraging me to accept change and growth. I thought I was a new person when I left the psychiatric hospital and l was! Iâ€™m a new person now and there have been a dozen different versions of me in between. Iâ€™m so happy now it almost feels unfair. Almost.

But itâ€™s not just me. Itâ€™s awesome to see our team help others, whether it be through our support groups, programs, classes or just showing up.

The coolest thing to me is that we do it all for free. Weâ€™re fueled by passion and heart. You canâ€™t find that just anywhere. Helping others is all I ever wanted to do when I started my blog so others wouldnâ€™t feel alone, and nobody is ever alone when NAMI GCC is involved.”

Sure, I had fun planning the event, but it was also important for me to share how I felt about this amazing organization. For me to give back to my beloved NAM Fam.

And give back to others.

Not a Clean Freak, Just a Freak

The Fundraiser